Hello guys, I noticed something today... That something was, that I haven't been really talking about the exchange as an experience itself or about my feelings too much, I mostly have written about what I have done, showing only the good sides. Sure, I have told you a little bit about the negative things too, but only a tiny part. I just feel like that I should correct this mistake and show you that my exchange-year hasn't always been something to be jealous of, because my exchange-year hasn't been perfect, to be honest, it has been a living hell for me for about 3 months. And how long have I been here? About 6 months.
As I told you, my exchange-year hasn't always been smiling faces, kind people, enjoying my life, but starting from my 2nd host-family till coming to Sendai it was a series of misfortunes for me. How many tears I shred, how I almost gave up and returned back to Finland, how I wanted to yell to people so that they would stop hurting me. How I did not have a safeplace where I could get rid of the negative thoughts. However, I will start telling you where it all started and how I am doing so far.
It all started when I had to leave my 1st host-family. The very first impression that I got of my 2nd host-family (with all respect) was kind of bad. The tone, the way she (my 2nd host-mom) said it to me, starting from that moment I had a feeling that things would start to get worse. Of course, I did try my best not to get into a bad situation. Anyways, I started to live my life in the 2nd host-family, and during the trip while sitting in my 2nd host-family's car I had to hold the tears. I could not let myself cry, it would have given them a bad impression. However, when we arrived to their house, we lifted the luggage to my room, where I started to unpack them. And do you know what I did while I was trying to unpack my luggage. I cried. I cried silently so that my new hosts would not hear it. I tried to hold it all in, but I could not, it was simply too much. I don't know, but I think that my hosts also noticed that I was feeling really sad. I did not know what to do, it felt really bad to be taken away from the host-family where I had spent the last two months, I really liked them a lot, it felt like a perfect host-family for me, but then that was crushed and I was taken away. That is why I cried.
I continued my life in the 2nd host-family, the first and second week were the worst. Everyday, after school I wished I would somehow end up in front of my 1st host-family's house, talk to the people over there, make jokes, laugh like before. However, I knew that was impossible. I would continue to return to my 2nd host-family's house. I never felt I had something common with my 2nd host-family, they did not even make any jokes, I did not laugh much in that house. And the people who know me, know that I laugh a lot. I would wake up feeling bad, of course I had some good days in that house too, but not too many. I did not want to go to school (I'll say it again: I will explain this later), I wanted to stay there and just do nothing for the whole day, even though I did not really want to stay there (my 2nd host-family's house) either, but at that point, it was the smaller bad. However, days passed and I started to feel really bad, I contacted YFU. That was the turnpoint of events and when everything really started to go downhill. My host-family (host-mother to be exact) started to call me a liar, how much I have hurt their family's pride, talking about stuff that was not related to the whole thing and blaming my mom for all of it, how I always have said very rude things to them. Do you know how angry I felt? I thought everything would go peacefully. I was wrong. My host-mom would blame me everyday for the things I just listed, to be honest, I felt like punching her at one point, when she started to talk about my family in Finland (?!?!?!)... I did not feel like I was a family member, I felt more like a pet or a doll that just was there.
Do you know what was the worst thing? The exchange-organization. You may ask why? Well the answer is: the way some people of the organization act. Of course, the organization itself is a good thing that gives an opportunity for teenagers to get to know another culture and learn a new language, however, there are some people that you should watch out for. I ended up meeting one of those people. I think the very first words she said to me in Japanese were something like "You have to lose weight.". Can you believe that? How can someone say something like that as her first words? I usually know by glance if I get along with someone or not, and by glance I could see that she is of the type that I do not get along with. Why is that? It's because I saw behind her "mask". To other persons she was very nice and did her fake smile and fake laughter nicely, but to me she was rude and used her fake smile and fake laughter all the time I would say something. She would turn from nice into a mean person in seconds. First she would be praising me and joking, the next second she would be blaming me for everything that has gone wrong. How I hurt my 2nd host-family's pride, how everything is my fault. She would look at me disgusted and do her fake smile that she called "Tequila tequila". I always talked to her by using the polite style. I did not want any conflicts, but she did. I think she noticed that I knew she was not one of those kind persons. She was a fake. Anyways, she kept tormenting me everytime I met her. Gladly, I guess I don't have to see her anymore, 'cause she's in Tokyo and I am in Sendai (well, near Sendai :D).
Oh yes, I gotta end up this update earlier than what was my purpose, because I am sleepy and I have to start sleeping soon, so that I won't feel dead when I wake up tomorrow morning. I will try to make part 2 of this update (watch out for the hardcore stuff that's about to come in the next update!) as soon as possible (possibly tomorrow). But anyways I gotta sleep, see youuuuuuu! OH AND I WILL ALSO EXPLAIN THE SCHOOL THING IN MY NEXT UPDATE!!!
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